I wrote a memoir about female friendships that ended because of male-centered behavior.
Everyone has a story to tell, yes, that includes an actress who’s been in iconic films, and the normal people in your city with 9-to-5 jobs. No one is ever “not important” enough to share their life experience.
Over the last few years on social media, there has been a rise in discussions regarding people talking about how they don’t like male-centered women, and I felt so understood when this was talked about more. I am not surprised that I don’t vibe with male-centered women because growing up, I didn’t even like the girls who talked about boys all the time.
I grew up in a predominantly Black community, the DeKalb County suburbs of Metro Atlanta, to be more specific, where romantic relationships were held up on a pedestal. The girls who had boyfriends were treated nicer, because our peers thought there was more value to them, as opposed to the single girls. And when I went off to college, my peers were more interested in dating than they were in their careers. Romance and sex were always glamorized by the people I was around, and it left me feeling conflicted at times because I was much more concerned about the newest episode of Miraculous Ladybug and the new manga at my local library than I was about getting a boyfriend.
Yes, I was a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to dating, and once I got a better understanding of my romantic and sexual orientations, I realized that we shouldn’t let men come between our friendships. It’s natural to desire a relationship, and it’s another to be a bad friend because of that relationship. There is so much more to life than male validation.
This has to be one of the most personal and vulnerable pieces of work that I have written to this day. It took me an entire year to write such a short memoir because I felt so embarrassed about it overall. I was embarrassed by how I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, I was embarrassed that I didn’t know how to set boundaries, and I was embarrassed because I let the people around me make me feel so small. With all the embarrassment I felt when writing, I couldn’t help but be proud of myself for how much I have changed.
If you would like to learn more about my story, check out the zine. It is available for purchase in digital and physical copies on my website! Thank you for reading.
