The annoying girl is misunderstood.
You know that one line the demon said to Zoey in Kpop Demon Hunters, “ You’re too much, and not enough?” Yeah, read me to filth.
Every year, I write a blog post around the time of my mom’s death anniversary because I am cranky, but writing is also one of the healthiest ways for me to cope with life in general. Grief changes you in many ways, and it has made me more aware of certain things about myself.
Around the end of 2023, around the time T’Shauna passed away (my mom and T’Shauna’s death anniversaries are 2 weeks from each other, so yeah, I’m very cranky), I was already starting to get fed up with nonsense. I realized that I just didn’t have the energy to be in environments where I didn’t feel welcome or didn’t have an interest in overall. And in 2024, I decided I would no longer do things I didn’t want to do.
Last year, I left a party after just 40 minutes. I was indifferent to going in the first place, so let’s start there. The one person I cared to be there with was off dancing and talking to other people, and I was tired from being out all day. They were a bit sad that I chose to leave too early in the night, but they understood. We said our goodbyes, and I drove home. I didn’t care if doing that made me look like a loser to the people who were asking me why I was leaving so early on the way out. I decided I would no longer force myself to be in an environment where I felt uneasy. Grief has made my tolerance level so low.
I did ask myself still, “Was I doing too much, leaving early?”
My tolerance level has decreased significantly over the last few years regarding frustration. Then again, my tolerance level was never really high to begin with. Thinking back to when I was a teenager, when I would go to a party, when I was over it, I would go and sit on the side.
On my YouTube channel, I have been working on a video about female cartoon characters I love that often get labeled as annoying by their fandom. In the universe of their media, you can see they’re throwing off the vibe in some way. I think of certain things I have done before, especially when I didn’t even stay at that party for an hour, and I can’t help but think that if I were a fictional character, fandom would literally write me off as annoying.
Let’s take a look at some of my favorite female fictional characters that are “annoying girls” by fandom standards.
Lisa Simpson from The Simpsons is the poster child of the annoying girl. She loves to read, tends to be introspective, gets into arguments with people when they say something ignorant, and overall wants the best for her family. Growing up, I would see Lisa get dragged all the time on Reddit and other message boards, mainly by men, and when I would read the reasons for why they hated her, it truly seemed like they weren’t trying to understand her, along with forgetting that she’s very young and makes mistakes just like everyone else in The Simpsons.
Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is very caring, loves to party, and wants everyone to have a good time. She is very loud, tends to overreact, and can be extremely optimistic to the point where it comes off as toxic. She may struggle to read the room, but overall, she does not intend to cause harm.
Goo from Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends was one of the first times I felt seen when watching cartoons growing up: she was a Black girl who talked a lot and was really creative, just like me. In the series, her introduction was marked by her excessive talking, which caused considerable chaos in the show. She struggled to make friends because people around her saw her energy as too much, but that was mainly because no one would set boundaries with her. After that, they saw that she was a really cool girl.
Out of all the main six characters in 6Teen, Jen Masterson was my favorite because I completely understood her bossy nature. She didn’t like getting into trouble, was hard on herself about her responsibilities, had terrible experiences with guys, and disliked making mistakes. She was not for everyone, but she was the character whose episodes I rewatch the most because she reminds me too much of myself as a teenager and an adult.
Howleen Wolf from Monster High just wanted to be loved and accepted, but often made poor choices as a result. While she was sweet, she didn’t fit in with her classmates much. This caused her to be a bit selfish at times. I loved how chaotic she was and how she would say things that sometimes rubbed people the wrong way. She wanted to be like her older sister, Clawdeen, but she didn’t understand that Clawdeen and she were two different people. I relate to her so much because I have an older sister who people liked significantly more than me in our community growing up, and she still has a core friend group that she’s close with to this day. To this day, Howleen’s character remains one of the most accurate depictions of my life during high school, particularly in terms of how I interacted with people.
And last and certainly not least, my sweet girl Ragatha from The Amazing Digital Circus. Everyone stuck in that circus is losing their damn minds, but Ragatha still wants everyone to feel welcomed, but also wants them to be safe. She doesn’t like pissing people off, and she often overthinks her interactions with her peers. She’s hard on herself when she makes a mistake, and her tendency to try too hard to be perfect is usually what causes her issues.
Life is too short to be doing things you don’t want to do. T’shauna didn’t live to see 30, and my mom died at the age of 60, and there was still so much more to life that both of them looked forward to. I have always liked these characters I have discussed, but my grief made me realize I am so much more like these characters than I thought. I love how all of them did what they wanted to do, something I needed to do more of. There was a lot I could learn from them.
I do wish the world were a better place like Lisa Simpson.
I do talk a lot and get a bit loud when I’m excited, like Goo.
I can be highly optimistic, speak before I think, and can get a little rough when I’m excited, like Pinkie Pie. I also realized that I needed to find environments where I felt comfortable, just like she does.
My uptightness turns men off (and I’m glad. Leave me alone). I tend to express myself dramatically when something goes wrong, and I am incredibly cautious, like Jen.
I do have a people-pleasing tendency like Ragatha, but I also want those I am in community with to be safe. Also, my kindness can rub people the wrong way, just as well.
But like Howleen, I do have my selfish moments. I do admire my older sister and have to remind myself I am fine the way I am.
You know that quote from Euphoria where Rue said, “Maddy knew who she was from a very early age?” I’m not much different now than I was when I was younger. I never cared to fit into a clique. I prefer to have friends with whom I can hang out individually. I turn guys off by talking so much, and I see no issue with it. I am constantly told that I’m too loud. I don’t like breaking rules. The fear of missing out barely exists for me. I care too much about the well-being and safety of others. I was the person who ruined the mood to address when something isn’t right. I never liked doing things I didn’t care for, and when I did, it usually backfired. I am literally a certified annoying girl.
Grief has made plenty of things about me that make me “annoying” to other people more intense. Grief has made me realize that so much just isn’t right with our subcultures. Grief made me accept that I needed to put myself first.
While I have accepted that I am the certified annoying girl, because I do a lot of the things that fandoms usually drag female characters for, I am not actually annoying to people who actually care about me. Often when I’m talking to my friends, I ask them if they think I’m annoying them, and they tell me, “If you annoyed me, I wouldn’t be talking to you.” I don’t find any of the female characters I’ve named annoying for the most part. I love them all.
I spent the majority of my life doing something I had no choice but to do, which was being my mother’s caregiver. During so much of that time, because of how taxing that was on me, I surrounded myself with people who treated me like shit and only kept me around because they pitied me. I used to be forced to sit by people who wouldn’t talk about how annoying they thought I was when they thought I couldn’t hear the conversation. I don’t have to put up with any of this.
My mom’s well-being had so much control over my life that I had a difficult time being comfortable anywhere. I want to be able to make my own decisions now that she’s passed. That’s something I learned from all my favorite “annoying girl” characters. All of them made their own choices along the way.
I have been misunderstood my entire life, and not much has changed now, with people taking the things I say and assuming I meant something completely different than what was stated. With grief affecting so much of my life, this is something I noticed now more than ever. I have concluded that it’s not up to me to decide how people feel about me. I don’t have to overexplain myself all the time.
I am not even in the headspace to think too much about it. If people want to continue to misunderstand me, so be it. But I have the power not to let it bother me. I finally feel like I can lead my own life since my mom’s death, and I’m not about to let everyone’s opinion of me control my emotions for the rest of it. If you find me annoying, that’s fine. If you don’t, that’s fine too. It’s not up to me to make that choice for you. However, if you find me annoying, I won’t change myself to make you feel more comfortable.
I know that, due to my big heart and off-putting personality, I will always be annoying to someone. That’s never going to change. And that’s ok. I am not for everyone.
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